2004-01-06 11:31 a.m.
I didn't want to do it, Faye made me. She made me make a pact you see, being the good, faithful girlfriends that we are, that by the end of the night we'd both have pulled. But I didn't want to, not really. Not until I saw him. An almost exact replica of Rick Witter. The only difference was that he had piercing blue eyes. He caught my eye immediately, he totally stood out from everyone else and made my stomach tie itself into knots. I'd just talk to him, talking wouldn't do any harm, would it?
"You well look like Rick Witter"
"You told me that the last time I was in here"
The conversation sort of fizzled out after that, the guy was obviously well out of my league anyway, easily the most gorgeous person in the whole club. Plus my drunken logic told me that if he was interested he'd have gotten off with me the last time he met me. I sat at a table and sulked, telling Faye how I now believed in love at first sight and that I had to have the guy's babies. But I had no chance, or so I thought.
He comes and sits next to me and we talk for about an hour. I start moving towards him to see if he'd respond or back away. Then along comes Faye.
"You'd better kiss my mate right now"
And so he did.
As I've said before, sex is nothing. It's the lying in each other's arms and talking about anything and everything that fucks your head up. I'll be alright after I've had a good sleep (we were awake at 6am this morning) but right now all I can think about is him.
As it happens, when Faye lied to Anto that I'd turned down a Rick Witter lookalike for him he called me a nob head and told me I should have gone for it. So I admitted I had done. He's either lying about not being bothered and actually really is, or he truthfully isn't bothered at all. Either way it isn't good.
2004-01-05 4:43 p.m.
Had the shittest of shit days, and it's all down to the complete cunts at the bank.
Well, maybe it was more my fault...they sent me a new cash card about a month ago because mine expires this month. Only me being me I completely forgot about it and left it lying around still in the envelope with a load of junk mail. So when the cash machine ate my card today I was fuckered.
Worse than that, when I was looking through old post for my new card I came across a bank statement, telling me that on the 17th November I had £1300 in the bank. I now have £470. I've spent £800 in under two months. Someone kill me now. Or cut up my new cash card, which I eventually found after half an hour of storming around the house looking and shouting at the animals.
Also realised that I have to actually read Virginia Woolf's To The Lighthouse before I can even begin to write about how psychoanalysis influenced it. Have you ever tried reading this book? It took me an hour to read ten pages, no joke. I kept catching myself staring into space, drooling and willing myself to die.
But nevermind, all is well as I'm going to 5th Ave with Faye tonight. After I've done another visit for my child study of course, with Amy, the master of conversation. I think she's actually mute. And you try getting something of worth out of an interview that consists of my questions, and then her either nodding or shaking her head. I've done everything I can to try and get her to talk more, short of voilently shaking her and screaming "Talk you bastard!".
Ah, who'd be me, eh.
2004-01-01 2:22 p.m.
Spent new year's eve in the best possible way, at a house party. Seeing as everyone in the whole world decides to go to clubs on the same night, actually being at a club sucks because they're so busy, as does staying in doing nothing because you know everyone in the whole world apart from you is out enjoying themselves. Unfortunately though I'd already had my own new year's eve night out on the 30th, seeing as I thought I'd be working last night. Let's just say it was a hell of a night which left me too fuckered to do much drinking etc last night.
Anyway, I think I was supposed to do this before last year ended, but nevermind.
Review of the year thingie.
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Moved out of my parent's house. Best thing I ever did, it has changed my life in a huge way for the better.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My only resolution was to lose weight, which I did. Next year I'm going to stop drinking so much, start weight training again and do more uni work.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but apparently a few scroats who I was at school with did, which is a shame.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
5. What countries did you visit?
I've barely even left the Manchester/Stoke on Trent areas....
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
Self esteem. Confidence in myself.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
21st September, the day I moved away to Uni. Can't actually remember too much of that night though...
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Fully recovering from having my heart broken.
9. What was your biggest failure?
You know, I cant really think of anything. I've not really had the opportunity to majorly balls anything up. I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that next year though.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Worst thing I did was badly sprain my ankle. I've been lucky. Oh, and I had the worst hangover of my life ever too. Does that count?
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I've not really bought anything big....Running shoes. Faye's fairy lights. Various Ann Summers things, although I've not been able to try any of that out yet...
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My parents. They've been very supportive and given up a lot.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My older brother's. We didn't exchange a civil word all year.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Accomodation. Beer.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing Shed Seven on my birthday. Being able to go to Rockworld on Fridays again. Being able to go out with my friends without being made to feel bad about it. Every time I got back to Uni after being away and could see Anto again.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
There was a single by that Sean Paul dude...is it Sean Paul? Well erm, the really popular one he did anyway. Reminds me of the sports nob heads out of my hall at uni.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Much, much happier.
ii. thinner or fatter?
Dramatically thinner.
iii. richer or poorer?
Poorer, but I now have access to an overdraught. Oh yes.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Uni work. Spending time with my old friends like John.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying. Drinking.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it getting drunk with Faye.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Not quite, although I met a guy who at the moment feels like he could be my soul mate.
23. How many one night stands?
Oh Jesus, do I have to? Ok, ok, four. All within the last four months of the year. Almost made it through with three but messed up during the last couple of days. Bad Carrie.
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Bo Selecta.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, but I have an intense dislike for someone. Also dislike a few people who I didn't even know this time last year.
26. What was the best book you read?
Inside 25 Cromwell Street by the West's children.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
De La Soul.
28. What did you want and get?
Anto.
29. What did you want and not get?
Freddy Got Fingered on VHS. *shrugs* that's all I can think of.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Pfft, no idea. I discovered Road Trip, it wasn't out this year but is definately worth a mention anyway.
31. What did you do on your birthday?
Had a date with Rick Witter. Alright OK, so I just went to see Shed Seven in concert, but it was almost a date.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Right this minute I'd be immeasuralby more happy if Anto was from Manchester instead of Ireland. Even somewhere in England would be better than sodding Ireland. I feel like I cant fully relax and be happy being with him because the distance thing is always going to be hanging over us.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Pink. That is all.
34. What kept you sane?
The knowledge that I'd be moving out. Then after September, the knowledge that I could come back home every weekend.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Rick Witter, for the 7th year running. Dennis from Eastenders.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Erm...
37. Who did you miss?
Anto. John. Gareth, my ex gay best friend.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Anto and Faye. I really couldn't choose between them.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.
I've learned not to be so niave when it comes to guys.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I cant think of any....God I'm crap, aren't I?
embryo-
carcass
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