2003-10-17 3:09 p.m.
Who was I trying to kid? As If I could actually manage a night in a pub without getting absolutely, completely pissed to the point of blackouts. All I can remember about the four hours I was roaming around the halls after I got back is talking about serial killers, banging on my hall rep’s window to wake him up, making everyone listen to The Streets, oh snogging Gary, yeah there was that too. In my defence I have to say that it was completely his idea, he made the first move. It was also his idea that he should stay over, but no, we didn’t do anything more than kiss. By that time, 3am, I was incapable of doing anything more than passing out.
This morning was slightly uncomfortable, him wanting to be all touchy feely and couple like and me not. I do like him but I think I’d like to have him as a friend more. I was relieved when he texted me a while ago asking me to walk into town with him, hopefully this wont stop us being friends.
I was a fucking state this morning, I barely made it to my ten o clock lecture, and Faye complained that I stank of alcohol. Of course, I’m doing it all over again tonight. Well it is Friday after all.
2003-10-16 3:10 p.m.
Well, I think I’m over it. It was just the lack of sleep and severe hangover that was making me dramatic. I solved this problem by going out and drinking more, which although highly illogical actually worked.
I woke up yesterday morning with the taste of stale alcohol in my mouth and the worst headache of my life. I found an extra twenty quid in my wallet and it became apparent to me that I’d done it again and ended up getting absolutely, completely pissed. Pissed to the point where I had blackouts. Where the fuck had this money come from? I vaguely remembered trying to chat up this amazing guy I’ve had my eye on ever since I’ve been here, almost sodding off to the pub with some lesbian I’ve never met before in my life, and then going over to a random common room with a group of three guys, including the amazing one, and drinking too much.
I thought I remembered taking money off the fit guy, who shall from now on be known as Gary, and promising to buy him drugs with it. A text message I received soon after I woke up confirmed this, and I also told me I’d agreed to eat breakfast with him. Actually, he’s the guy from the other night, you know the one who is supposed to be gay. He actually isn’t, but might as well be because he has a girlfriend. Apparently he only said he was gay because my ‘friend’ went over to him and said “my really drunk friend wants your body” Yep, cheers Simon.
I got a bit of a shock this morning when I was told that I actually have an exam of sorts that is going to go towards my grades. I suppose this means I should stop going out drinking so often? Pfft, sod that. Although I do need to stop drinking so much as the bridge hall rep says he’s going to throw me out if I start whinging so much again. No more drinking to the point of blackout for me, then.
2003-10-14 5:33 p.m.
He put his arms around my waist and looked into my eyes. ”I’ll get you off with him, if you want him I’ll set it up. You could have anyone you want in here” I put my arms around his shoulders, willing him to kiss me. ”You could have anyone at all in here, I mean, you’re beautiful, but there’s no chance of us two getting it together” Bollocks, just as I’d thought. I’d only met my friend Simon’s mate John an hour or so earlier, and was completely and utterly infatuated. He had indie hair, brown eyes and that skin tone. You know, the Rick Witter one that drives me totally mad.
Anyway, the guy I had my eye on turned out to be gay. I wish he wasn’t, because after everything that ended up happening last night I feel like I’ve been left with my heart ripped into pieces.
I didn’t stand a chance with John, I thought. Simon told me that as I’m a girl I have to fancy him, it’s an unwritten rule. After a few drinks I decided to go for it anyway. Well actually, I got Simon to have a word. ”John, do you fancy going with Carrie?” “Yep” and there we had it.
The rest of the night was spent over at the bridge, drinking too much and snorting speed, if I remember correctly. A girl in my hall asked me if I’m feeling rough today, I have no recollection of seeing her last night but apparently I passed her in the corridor with a topless guy in tow. I’ve been told by the bridge’s hall rep that there’s a new rule, Carrie is not allowed to moan about anything. I have no idea what I was moaning about, but apparently I did a lot of it.
And after all of that…. Well after all of that I stayed up until around 4.30 with John, lying in bed kissing and cuddling, playing with his nipple bar and tracing over his tattoos with my fingers, him asking if I could try being with him, me telling him to stop talking like that because he was just making it worse. Did I not mention the fact that he lives in Bradford and is studying at Nottingham Uni? No? Well there you go. He’s twenty pounds worth of train fare away.
I’ve been generally just moping around all day, making everyone else feel miserable, not even able to concentrate on watching the telly because I cant stop thinking about him. I have the worst hangover of my life (eightish cans of Carling…ouch) but I’m still going out tonight to drown my sorrows anyway.
As for Phil I’m not really sure what’s going on there, and I don’t think I want to even see him again. He just isn’t John and right now I feel like he’s the only one who would do.
embryo-
carcass
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