2001-09-07 1:24 p.m.
Damn diaryland or being down when I wanted to update yesterday! Anyways, I spent absolutely ages writing this
I found my old diaries yesterday, and didn’t realise I had so many of them. Here are some quotes and stuff:
Aged seven
‘Luke and I wher sweeping the garden Luke had a Dust pan full of Dust and he pourd it on my jumper. We wahthet moon walker.’
‘We went to the school play filde to flay Luke’s kite. But the woob broke. I had the runs Luke has been a pane’
‘We went for a walk with my granDpa. We took sossage’s for the Duck’s we fogot to look in a book about Duck’s’
‘we were doing Roman numarls Luke and I put our toffis out of our Book sweet bin.’
Aged eleven
‘Gary Neville! Gary Neville! Gary Neville!’
‘Not wrote for years, soz, I’m planning on publishing this when I grow up so I had better write more often.’
‘yes barfy, I can make your life hell too, I will tell mum and dad about those porno mags at the side of your bed.’
‘I am pissed off. I hate Simon so much. I have asked Hannah to tell him I don’t want to go out with him anymore.’
Aged twelve
‘I cant wait to go to Newton Heath on Saturday with John. This dead fit lad works on the sweet stall.’
‘Smegg is after me. I stuck two fingers up at him this morning.’
‘This first year hit Kirstie, and she told miss Oldfeild. Simon did his eye in on the trampoline. He kneed himself!’
‘I like Madness. My mum made a copy of one of their records before, I haven’t stopped listening to it since. Me and john went to Woodhouses, I fell down a hill he has promised not to tell anyone.’
‘I went to this protest thing, it was tiring. I got leisure by Blur, it is pretty cool. It is from 1991, I was 6 then!’
‘Space have released ‘Dark clouds’ I heard them talking, they are scousers.’
‘Didn’t get CD, that sucks. John isn’t in, that sucks. There are two bungholes from the waterboard digging up our back garden.’
‘I wonder what I will be doing in ten years time? I wrote a biography the other day and made up my future. I got married to Kenny, moved to Portugal, became a novelist and wrote Damon Albarn’s biography.’
‘What can we do? We can walk, I suppose, further than we have walked before, out of failsworth.’
‘I feel shit, what is the point in life? I wish I’d learned to play the guitar instead of the trombone. Then I could be in a group or something , then I could get mega rich.’
‘I took own more Boyzone posters to make way for Blur ones. I now have 22 Blur ones, 19 Manchester United ones and 90 Boyzone ones.’
‘I rung him, he is happy. He says he will pay for the popcorn. It’s a pity I’m not attracted to John. Why couldn’t me and Carl have a friendship like that?’
‘The comet has been here for a week, it is crap. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. This cult in California killed themselves because they thought they will join with it or something. Americans, they want to dominate the world.’
‘He spends enough time pissing around with that car to say he works for the AA.’
‘I am near to having a fight with marc B. Him and half the lads in my form have ganged up in me. I told them to go fuck themselves, they just started a conversation about how I would fuck myself. Stupid bastards.’
‘Marc B just tried to batter me. It was very funny. Everyone with half a brain knows you lose power by swinging at someone, like he did. Some police saw us. The woman said “leave her alone” and the man said “get stuck in”. Stupid bastard. Marc Booth is a crap fighter.’
‘I’m not talking to Kirstie, she told everyone I used to fancy Craig Hopwood, so I told everyone the nickname Danny made up for her, Holland because it is flat like her.’
‘Me and John cried yesterday. We listened to a phone in about Eric Cantona. I still think he is too young to retire.’
Aged thirteen
‘I went to Manchester with john and Craig. I got singles by The Seahorses and Super Furry Animals and Mother Nature Calls by Cast. We went on the Arndale roof and spat on people.’
‘I was reading about Marilyn Manson before. He smoked human bones once. He got someone to snort sea monkeys, they turn your pee white and it takes two years to get rid of them. He is so weird because he spent his childhood in hospital, around dying people, he found a foetus in a can when he was ten, and caught his Grandfather masturbating.’
‘There is a new girl in my form called Alison, basically she sucks. Jodie, Zara, etc have taken a liking to her because she wears her skirt half way up her arse.’
‘I took the dog for a walk today. We are taking him to the vets because he smells so much and he is always scratching and chewing himself. Buttmuncher.’
‘Princess Di is dead. Her lover, Dodi fayed, is dead too. Di’s brother is blaming the press because when they crashed they were being followed by the paparazzi. I had to do my paper round late because they had to reprint the papers. Blur are releasing MOR. The video is really good.’
‘One of jonathan’s friends who he was at school with had an epileptic fit and died. Mother Theresa is dead. Everyone is dying! The chart show wasn’t on yesterday because of Di’s funeral.’
‘We talked about, wait for it, religion! He asked me if I was religious. I said “No, not really, it would be nice to believe in something though”. Apparently he lives with his brother and he had had his mates round.’
‘I spent an hour walking the dog. I saw some kids my age who were pissed on the street. I was told by one of them that getting pissed is life, and I am just a dweeb. I saw Derek, he was outside the church. Hmmmm he is a bible basher!’
‘I will have to change my walking the dog route. There is always a gang on Ashton RD. They were setting fireworks off at me and john, twats.’
‘I am sick of Jonathan, he has got this week off. I have to put up with his whining and theories that I am ill because I listen to ‘That music with stupid scouse voices singing over it’. And of course the unemployed of failsworth have been hanging around. Namely Rimmer (stupid tosser who always gives me dirty looks), Brookie (there is something about him I just cant stand), Maclaren (sometimes says hi to me, but sometimes laughs at me for no apparent reason. Nobody can stand him, not even Jonathan.), and Peej (Ok I’m not that biothered about Peej, he is quite sweet).’
‘I think Danny fancies me, Luke always says that he does. Danny has a habit of making physical contact with me. We went to get firewood for the bonfire and he was saying how many places there were around there to shag.’
‘We had our ball nicked by this gang. It was really pathetic, we all just stood there and let them take it.’
‘And today was a glorious day! I am going out with Thomas! Today he has a lino carver which he nicked from school and scratched some cars with it. John came round before, he is a bit surprised, he says Tom is ‘OK, but a bit weird’. I didn’t tell him how much Tom hates him.’
‘I told him about Kirstie asking who I think will dump who and he called her a ‘pessimistic bitch’’
‘Marc Booth seems to hate me for some reason. It is just constant insults. He is such a prick, before he was laughing at Brady for listening to the Manic Street Preachers. He says nobody listens to them. That just shows what an ignorant twat he is. ‘
‘I’m going to see cast tomorrow, my first gig, I cant wait’
‘Ive decided that kissing is overrated. I always find my mind wandering half way though. I tried to make it more interesting before by imagining Rick Witter, but I couldn’t.’
‘I went to Manchester before. I got Select, One Day at a Time by Symposium, and a Radiohead poster for Tom’s birthday. Shed Seven are coming back! They have just recorded an album in San Fransisco and will soon be releasing a single called ‘She left me on Friday’!’
‘He really hates Shed Seven. I asked him if it is because I fancy Rick Witter, he said ‘maybe’. It must be. Who can hate the way Shed Seven sound? They are just, yeah, you know, It!’
‘Marc Booth only called me once today, a new record. I hope he is getting bored of it, I certainly am.’
‘Tom came round before. It was cool. I am waiting for him to ring me. We spent 3 and a quarter hours on the phone last night, mostly on his phone bill. Marc Booth has gone back to calling me constantly. Sometimes I just wish he was dead, I just hate him. I cant stand being in the same room as him.’
‘Thomas says he doesn’t mind me talking to him about other people that I like, except for ian brown because he is old(er). Joseph Neequay who I was at school with died this morning, it was some sort of blood poisoning. I cant believe it, I only saw him a few weeks ago. I remember when he first came to our school in infants, everyone wanted to be his friend.’
‘In English in the library some people gozzed in a condom and stuck it on a clay model. It was pretty pathetic, although I am ashamed to admit I found it funny for a while.’
‘Why do I feel pangs of jealousy when I hear that tom, now my ex, is spending time with Danny? John is coming on Thursday for moral support. He has been really good. He said “If Tom doesn’t turn up I will come if you want” I felt mega snidy and said he can come anyway. I kept nearly crying today.’
Aged fifteen
‘Claire M rang me before. Ages ago she needed to write a poem for school, which was going to be entered into a competition, so I gave her the words to a Garageland song. And it has won, and is going to be published. It is going under the copywrite act, she is shitting herself.’
‘I don’t believe the cheek of some people! John rang me before from a phone box and asked if I wanted to come out because they need someone to buy them beer! Like they would have asked otherwise! Because they all look about 12 they ring me up!’
‘Me and Kirstie stayed up till 3 watching TV and talking. She is sadly going through an obsession with Scott from Five. It is just like, no. She carries around this poster of him all the time. It is so pathetic. She has got a Five calendar and has memorised which of the months he appears on. I read through her diary to get back at her for looking through my bag. She has loads of pictures of them in there. I’m sure other people’s diaries always seem pathetic when you read them, but it wouldn’t have been so bad if it would have been spelt right.’
‘Apparently Jenni’s mum has been complaining to Mrs Jackson about what a bad influence I am! How dare she? No wonder Mrs Jackson always rants about my earrings.’
‘I went to see a play at St Augustine’s school with kirstie. The leading role was played by a girl called Ynus, who fancied my ex, Tom. It is a year to the day since we split up. I read my old diary and cringed.’
‘Last night was really good, just me and john, like the good old days. We went to daisy nook and ended up getting lost and wandering around this field in the dark.’
embryo-
carcass
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